THE LIFTER SISTERZ “VUE” SECOND GEAR STARTS

(A special guest column by Hydra and Cammie, the Lifter Sisterz.)

[Get the latest “Truth With Speedzzter” here]

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] If you missed our first two appearances on “Truth With Speedzzter,” our wonderful friend Speedzzter asked us – Hydra and Cammie, the Lifter Sisterz -- to provide a “second opinion” on some of the gibberish that passes for advice in the syndicated Car Talk column by National Public Radio’s idea of a couple of gearheads, Tom and Ray Magliozzi, a/k/a “Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers...

CAMMIE: WAIT! Do you have to start with that every week? Surely everyone in America knows who the Lifter Sisterz are by now. And what’s with that “[Sent via iPhone]” business?

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] Uh . . . this blog isn’t exactly that dead Spanish Granny’s blog or “Autoblog” or the “Truth About Cars” . . . There’s probably only about five people who aren’t lawyers for NPR, Click-n-Clack, or Ford that read this thing . . . .

CAMMIE: You mean that Obama’s not following us on Twitter . . .

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] You TWIT! This isn’t Twitter . . . on there, you’d have to say stuff in about a sentence and that’d make you explode . . .

CAMMIE: So you’re saying that “our wonderful friend Speedzzter” didn’t really give us much of a gig?

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] No. I’m just saying that you’ve got to start small. You think that Tom and Ray Magliozzi started out in 500 newspapers and on National radio?

CAMMIE: Whooptie-do, who listens to NPR? NOW WHAT’S THIS “[Sent via iPhone]” thingie?

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] Well, we agreed that I didn’t have to come in to do this column, so I’m “iPhoning” it in on the way back to Indy for the 500 . . .

CAMMIE: WHAT! You’re supposed to run the wrecker this weekend!

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] Well, technically I am. I’m driving it right now. . . .

CAMMIE: So how are we going to rescue all of the bad-driving picknickers on Memorial Day Weekend? Who’s going to tow in the impounds from the drunk busts? How are we going to jump-start all of the minivans full of kids on the way to grandmas house for the holiday? Do you expect me to do it all with my 725-horse Shelby GT500?

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] It’s a holiday weekend . . . Shouldn’t I get a three-day weekend off, too? I’ll be back by Tuesday . . .

CAMMIE: TUESDAY! You’ve pulled some harebrained stunts before, but this! . . . Not even a REAL NATURAL BLONDE would do something this stupid. It must be the hair bleach. It’s a good thing I’m into “turning the other cheek” and all that other New Testament stuff, or I’d have to hop into my 725-horse Shelby GT500 and race up to Indy just to whoop you.

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] BRING IT ON, ANYTIME! You’d just better be glad that I’m not there right now or they might be havin’ a memorial for your face on Memorial Day . . .

Let’s get down to the second opinion because I’m about to stop at the Flying J to grab a snack and flirt with some cute truckers . . . .

CAMMIE: You have no shame. You’d probably even “flirt” with a brainless choade like Keith Obermann.

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] Oh yeah! Hubba, Hubba! He’s F-I-N-E FINE. . . so long as he keeps his fat, bedwetting liberal mouth shut! In fact, the best way to watch anything on MS/NBC is with the sound off.

CAMMIE: I’d rather sit on a cactus than watch Obermann, even with the sound off. He ought to retire the title of “the worst person in the world” on himself. And that Rachel Maddow . . . she’s crazy butch . . . you ought to send her one of your wigs.

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] I oughta split your wig, Miss Support Hose!

CAMMIE: Stick and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me . . . .

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] Let’s just hurry up . . . my exit’s coming up and I’ve been talking on the CB with a hot sounding hunk known as “the Love Magnet” . . .

CAMMIE: (under her breath) I hope he doesn’t stick to the plate in your head . . .

You’re texting and talking on the CB at the same time!

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] Yeah, I can multi-task. I’m touching up my make-up right now . . . .

CAMMIE: More like caking on the Bondo . . .

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] Oh you’re beggin’ for a little “stimulus package” up-side the head, Miss Pelosi.

CAMMIE: Now that hurt! Comparing me to that wrinkly, brainless old hag, “San Fran Nan.” You apologize right now!

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] Hummmph!

Anyhoo, Tom and Ray didn’t leave us with much this week . . . they must be startin’ the holiday early. Just some dumb “bar bet” question about whether a hummingbird inside your car would crash into the windshield if you slammed on the brakes . . .

CAMMIE: Apparently the dude that sent that one in didn’t notice that the air inside his wimpy little P.C. hybrid isn’t blowing through at “highway speed.” I’d be more worried about bird poop getting all over the Alcantara leather in my 725-horse Shelby GT500 . . .

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] Enough already! Everybody already knows that you’ve got a Shelby. And why do you think that the dude is a wimp with a hybrid?

CAMMIE: He must have a Prius or some other hybrid if he’s so board behind the wheel that he’s thinking up little “Mr. Science Guy” projects like that. And I mean if he’d ever heard Earnhardt explain drafting on a NASCAR telecast, he’d have already been able to answer his own dumb question. That tells me right there he’s wimp. Besides, he wrote into the Click and Clack, didn’t he?

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] Good point! Alright, then let’s try the other question . . . It was something about starting in second gear . . . .

CAMMIE: Let’s get it on! A husband named “Jeff” . . . .

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] No commentary about “what kind of a name is that?”

CAMMIE: Nope. Jeff’s a real man’s name. Solid. American.

So Jeff bought his wife a 5-Speed Saturn Vue. . .

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] Isn’t “The View” that shrill TV talk show with “Bar Bar Wa Wa” and a bunch of obnoxious, bra-burning liberal broads . . . .

CAMMIE: More like fat-burning . . . What about Elizabeth Hasselbeck! She’s about the only one on “The View” who knows what she’s talking about.

But the Vue we’re talking about is some ugly little SUV. And because Wifey's Pa told her that starting off in second is “better for the car,” Jeff’s home squeeze flogs that little SUV off the line in second.

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] I’ll bet that’s thrilling. The only “Vue” of the folks behind her is this hideous, glacially-moving metal box blocking the lane. The rings aroung Saturn is everybody passing her. I wonder if she's got one of those slow moving vehicle triangles off of a tractor . . .

CAMMIE: Well, she’s not really going to be pounding out 60-foot times in a Vue under any conditions. She sure ain’t no Ronnie “Mr. Four Speed” Sox!

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] Yeah, if Husband Jeff really loved her, he’d score her a Hemi Magnum wagon or something hotter than a “Vue” to haul his little spawn to little league practice.

CAMMIE: You’ve got that right! A Vue is really a super-wussmobile. But at least he got her the stick shift model.

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] Not that Mrs. Jeff has a clue of what to do with it! Anyhoo, Click-n-Clack made a few jokes and told Jeff that first gear was necessary for starting to save the clutch.

CAMMIE: That’s it?

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] What! Do I need to repeat myself?

CAMMIE: I’m totally underwhelmed. That’s not much to work with this week.

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] I know. Well I’ve got to say that if Mrs. Jeff’s Pappy told her to start out in second, she was probably learning to row the gears in a farm truck , or a tractor, or starting out on the ice.

CAMMIE: Yeah, trucks like our wrecker have a “granny” first that you can skip under most conditions, unless you’ve got a load.

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] But most recent truck transmissions mark “granny” as “L” instead of first.

CAMMIE: Yeah, and if you start out in Granny, you almost fly into the windshield like that hummingbird at six m.p.h. or so when the engine hits the rev limiter . . .

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] But if you’ve got enough torque and a serious set of final drive gears, starting out in second is about like starting out in first in a car with “Bonneville” gears.

CAMMIE: That’s right. I had an old GTO once that somebody apparently had put in a set of 2.73:1 rear cogs way back during the Iranian Hostage Crisis. With a 2.20:1 first, that made for a doggy 6.06:1 final drive ratio in first. You didn’t start out very well in second in that one, even with over 400 lbs/ft of torque!

But then if you have a decent set of rear gears, like some 4.56:1s, and a modern overdrive transmission, like a Tremec TKO 600, your final drive ratio in first could be something more like a bumper-dragging 13:1 and you could easily skip first with a V8 if you’re just making an economy run to the convenience store.

And as anybody with “skip-shift” T56-equipped Camaro already knows, you get the best fuel economy getting into a higher gear sooner at part throttle. Pulling taller gears cuts pumping losses because the throttle is open wider.

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] 4.56s with a TKO 600 sounds like way too much gear to me. 10:1 is a decent overall first gear ratio for most supercars. The overall first gear ratio in a Dodge Viper is about 8.2:1 if memory serves. And of course, under low traction conditions, starting out in second may be necessary to “hook” to the track or street.

But what does all of that have to do with a short bus like a Saturn Vue? Doesn’t that rig have about 2 lbs/ft of torque? You’d probably have to ride the clutch like Jan and Dean in “Shut Down” to get it to move out at all in second.

CAMMIE: I thought the Beach Boys did "Shut Down." But, Click and Clack pretty much got it right this time. The key is to short shift first and keep the revs down if you want to run cheap and slow.

HYDRA: [Sent via iPhone] No, both Jan and Dean and the Beach Boys recorded "Shut Down." It was that good.

A better idea is to dump the Vue before the clutch is fried and put Mrs. Jeff in something that has an automatic and some serious muscle. Maybe then she’ll forget about what she learned from Daddy in the farm truck and whip those kiddies to ballet practice in record time.

Uh, Oh! Here’s my exit . . . Gotta go . . . VIVA INDIANAPOLIS 500!

Back home again in Indiana,
And it seems that I can see
The gleaming candlelight, still shining bright,
Through the sycamores for me.
The new-mown hay sends all its fragrance
From the fields I used to roam.
When I dream about the moonlight on the Wabash,
Then I long for my Indiana home. . . .

CAMMIE: Well then . . . I guess to sum it up, if you’re going to whip around in a horrible rolling chicane like a Saturn Vue, then try not to block so much traffic by starting out in FIRST GEAR, and not in the deuce cog.

But then Mrs. Jeff probably has no business with a manual until she understands motoring a little better. Maybe an SRT-8 Jeep® would help her match up her need for a high-riding SUV with her dodgy gearjaming skills.

My Sister’s AWOL, so for Hydra and Cammie, the Lifter Sisterz, keep your slicks a spinning!

OBAMA'S ROSE GARDEN CAFE STEAMROLLER

[Get the latest "Truth With Speedzzter" here]

The Wall Street Jounnal wonders aloud about the coalition behind the Obamanator-Governator-EnviroNazi "deal" on the 2012-2016 Corporate Average Fuel Economy hike in an editorial entitled "Car Crazy." Of particular interest to Ford fans is the following observation:

Ford and the other foreign-owned auto makers, which will have to raise private capital to make changes that U.S. taxpayers will fund at Chrysler and GM, no doubt want to maintain their political viability by not standing athwart this regulatory steamroller.

We wish these folks luck "working together" with the Obama auto-design team. One thing seems certain by 2016: Taxpayers will be paying Detroit to make the cars Americans don't want, and then they will pay again either through (trust us) a gas tax or with a purchase subsidy. Even the French must think we're nuts.

This will doubly apply if FoMoCo is forced to dilute the Mustang (e.g. no V8, no RWD) in sacrifice to Obama and environuts' false gods of "climate change."

On the other hand, given Billy Ford's shilling for draconian federal fuel taxes and anti-collector "Ca$h for Clunker$" bailout money, Truth With Speedzzter wonders whether FoMoCo's emerging business plan is predicated upon becoming part of what Bjorn Lomborg describes as a "climate-industrial" complex:

Some business leaders are cozying up with politicians and scientists to demand swift, drastic action on global warming. This is a new twist on a very old practice: companies using public policy to line their own pockets.

The tight relationship between the groups echoes the relationship among weapons makers, researchers and the U.S. military during the Cold War. President Dwight Eisenhower famously warned about the might of the "military-industrial complex," cautioning that "the potential for the disastrous rise of misplaced power exists and will persist." He worried that "there is a recurring temptation to feel that some spectacular and costly action could become the miraculous solution to all current difficulties."

This is certainly true of climate change. We are told that very expensive carbon regulations are the only way to respond to global warming, despite ample evidence that this approach does not pass a basic cost-benefit test. We must ask whether a "climate-industrial complex" is emerging, pressing taxpayers to fork over money to please those who stand to gain.

Whether Ford is avoiding being steamrollered or whether caving into the climate change madness is a strategy calculated to enrich Ford by driving up vehicle margins remains to be seen. But either way, the Rose Garden Steamroller flattened grassroots automotive interests.

OBAMA, TARP AND THE INDIANA PENSIONERS

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Barack Obama's plan for a 30-60 day "surgical" bankruptcy for Chrysler L.L.C. and a dozen or so affiliates requires forcing secured debt holders to accept less than thirty cents on the dollar for their claims. It's also predicated on a "Section 363" auction of Chrysler's assets on May 27, 2009, to FIAT or some other mythical savior who is willing to out bid FIAT and pony up a couple of billion.

But standing in the way may be:

The Indiana State Teachers Retirement Fund, Indiana State Police Pension Trust, and Indiana Major Move Construction, pension funds, which are fiduciaries for the investment of retirement assets for approximately 100,000 civil servants, including firemen, policeman, school teachers and their families (collectively, the “Indiana Pensioners.")

They've secured a top-ten international law firm and filed an interesting objection to the fast track sale of the assets.

Of interest to conservative is their broadside at the Obama Administration's authority to assume "constructive control" of Chrysler and destroy the rights of the secured creditors -- namely the "Indiana Pensioners."

Less than a week after having failed to obtain congressional authority to provide financing to Chrysler, the Treasury Department remarkably declared Chrysler, an automobile company, a “financial institution,” so that the Treasury Department could access TARP Funds. That complete reversal of its prior admission is plainly without merit.

* * * *
[T]he government took a security interest in Chrysler’s assets which was junior in priority to the existing liens of the Indiana Pensioners.

Although the maturity date of the loan was December 30, 2011, the government had the right to accelerate the entire amount due if Chrysler failed to submit a estructuring plan, or “viability plan,” acceptable to the government by February 17, 2009 (after the inauguration of a new president).

* * * *
This loan agreement left Chrysler at the mercy of the Treasury Department in a number of ways. First, the amount of the loan was not nearly enough to fund a meaningful restructuring. The $4 billion was simply an interim lifeline that would postpone Chrysler’s collapse until after the new administration took office in January, 2009. Second, the Treasury Department would have complete discretion to determine whether Chrysler’s viability plan was satisfactory. If the government chose to reject the plan, it would have the right to call the full amount of the loan. Third, even if Chrysler put forth a reasonable viability plan, the government made no commitment to provide the additional funds necessary to allow Chrysler to implement its plan.
****

[On March 30, 2009, President Obama] The President informed the country that the government would give Chrysler thirty days to reach an agreement with Fiat, its unions, and its creditors (including the Senior Secured Lenders) under which Chrysler and Fiat would combine to form a new entity. . . . Also, the President required Chrysler to restructure itself in a way that enabled it to gain access to Fiat’s technology, thus enabling Chrysler to produce the type of smaller cars the government wants manufactured, satisfy the demands of unsecured creditors such as the VEBA trust and union laborers, and provide some of Chrysler’s equity to the government – all components of a political agenda imposed on Chrysler’s management. . . . In doing so, the President reversed the business judgment of Chrysler’s management, which had determined a stand-alone reorganization was in the best interests of Chrysler’s stakeholders.

* * * *

On April 30, 2009, the Debtors commenced these Chapter 11 cases. As with its
other major business decisions, the timing of the filing and the venue were made by the government. (See Press Background Briefing on Auto Industry (April 30, 2009),
www.whitehouse.gov/the_press_office/Background-Briefing-on-Auto-Industry-4/30/2009
(emphasis supplied)) Even though the cases were filed under chapter 11 of the Bankruptcy Code, it is very clear that the Debtors have no intention (or even possibility) of reorganizing these estates. Instead, the Debtors have filed the Sale Motion seeking approval to sell substantially all of their assets, free and clear of liens, to a newly formed company created for thepurpose of this transaction (“New Chrysler”). . . .

The purpose of this transaction is to transfer value from the Senior Secured Lenders’ collateral to junior Chrysler stakeholders without regard to the well established legal priority of creditor claims. For example, though the Senior Secured Lenders will recover only 29% of their secured claim, Chrysler’s unsecured creditors, including labor-related obligations, will receive over $20 billion over time. Robert Manzo, the Debtors’ Chief Restructuring Officer testified that over $20 billion in liabilities would be assumed and paid out by New Chrysler with respect to worker and retiree healthcare and other benefits, prepetition auto parts and service supplier invoices, warranty and parts obligations, and pension obligations. . . . In particular, the VEBA trust (which has an unsecured claim of
approximately $10 billion), will receive a new note with a value of $4.5 billion as well as 55% of the equity interest in New Chrysler. . . . Fiat, one of the Debtors’ foreign competitors, is slated to receive 20% of New Chrysler (with the right to acquire a total of 51%) in exchange for granting access to its “small car” technology. . . .Fiat is not paying any cash for its stake in New Chrysler. . . .The Treasury Department, a creditor with liens on the collateral that are still junior to those of the Senior Creditors, is slated to receive an 8% equity interest in New Chrysler.

* * * *
Following the sale the Debtors will cease to function as a going concern and will be left with only those assets New Chrysler deems essentially worthless. The Debtors describe the sale as of “substantially all” of their assets.

****
The Debtors did not play any role in negotiating the capital structure of New Chrysler and did not decide what any of its stakeholders would receive as part of the transaction. . . . The Debtors abdicated each of these critical management decisions to the Treasury Department, whose only legally cognizable interest in these cases is that of a third-lien lender.

* * * *
Unlike any other bankruptcy in history, Chrysler’s bankruptcy was announced by
the President of the United States. President Obama’s announcement made clear that he had made the decision to put Chrysler into bankruptcy. He blamed this decision on certain Senior Secured Lenders that had not received TARP Funds and, therefore, had not bowed to government’s pressure to accept an unfair 29 cents recovery where unsecured creditors were receiving all recoveries. The President branded those Senior Secured Lenders with fiduciary duties to their own investors as “speculators” who were unwilling to make “sacrifices.”

(www.whitehouse.gov/the_press_office/remarks-by-the-president-on-the-Auto-Industry
4/30/2009, . . ..) He accused these lenders of refusing to compromise and instead seeking “an unjustified taxpayer-funded bailout.” . . .. This was not true.

First, the Senior Secured Lenders not accepting the unfair deal are not
“speculators.” They invested in first-lien secured debt, which is (or at least should be) a conservative investment. Second, certain of the Senior Secured Lenders did offer to compromise. They offered to accept a 50% reduction of their debt, even though they might receive a better recovery in chapter 7 liquidation. Their offer was in stark contrast to other Chrysler stakeholders, whose “compromise” will enable them to receive a much larger recovery then they are entitled to receive under the Bankruptcy Code. Finally, the Indiana Pensioners have never sought a government bailout. Indeed, they are among the few Chrysler stakeholders that can make that statement. Unlike Chrysler and the TARP banks, who accepted billions of taxpayer dollars, the Indiana Pensioners have never received a dime of bailout money from the government. To the contrary, it was the government that was taking from them. Under the government’s plan, billions of dollars of collateral belonging to the Senior Secured Lenders will be taken away and given to unsecured and junior lien creditors and (ironically) Fiat, a foreign automaker. Because certain of Senior Secured Lenders asked to be paid for their interests in that collateral, they were vilified.

* * * *

TARP also contains express language prohibiting the impairment of the Senior
Lenders’ rights, which is being attempted through the guise of the 363 sale. Section 119(b)(2) of the EESA provides that “[a]ny exercise of the authority of the Secretary pursuant to this chapter shall not impair the claims or defenses that would otherwise apply with respect to persons other than the Secretary.” 12 U.S.C. § 5229(b)(2).

[I]f the Debtors are successful obtaining approval of the section 363 sale, the estate will receive $2 billion, which would be distributed to the SeniorLenders, representing 29% on their secured debt. Meanwhile, New Chrysler would receive
billions of dollars in new loans based on the very same Collateral which would allow New Chrysler to repay or assume many of the Debtors’ former unsecured creditors at or close to par – and at a higher recovery rate than paid to the Senior Lenders or than those creditors would have received under a chapter 11 plan. As such, the Debtors’ plan is to use section 363 to strip itself of the assets pledged to the Senior Lenders and put those assets to the benefit of unsecured creditors instead of the Secured Lenders even though the Senior Lenders will not have been paid in full (including on any unsecured deficiency claims).

By mandating a treatment of the Debtors’ assets that precludes any unsecured
deficiency claims of the Senior Debt from being paid while allowing inferior creditors to receive substantial value from the estate, the Treasury Department also is causing the Debtors to ignore the priority rules embodied in the Bankruptcy Code as applied by the Supreme Court in Bank of America Nat’l Trust & Sav. Ass’n v. 203 North LaSalle Street Partnership, 526 U.S. 434 (1999).

There, the court held that a debtor could not refuse to consider alternative plan structures where the plan proposed permitted debtor’s pre-bankruptcy equity holders, over the objection of a senior secured class of creditors, to contribute new capital and receive ownership interests in the reorganized entity while the senior creditor’s unsecured deficiency claims went unpaid. As noted above, that is exactly what is being mandated here by the proposed 363 sale transaction being scripted by the Treasury Department.

Not only do the Government’s actions far exceed its statutory authority, they also subject the Government to potential lender liability and equitable subordination actions. “[A] creditor will be held to an insider standard where it is found that it dominated and controlled the debtor.” Official Comm. Of Unsecured Creditors of the Debtors v. Austin Fin. Servs. (in re KDI
Holdings, Inc.), 277 B.R. 493, 511 (Bankr. S.D.N.Y. 1990). When such a creditor
overwhelmingly dominates the debtor, there is a merger of identity and the creditor will be held to a fiduciary standard. Id. at 512; see also Schubert v. Lucent Techs., Inc. (In re Winstar Commc’ns, Inc.), 554 F.3rd 382, 411-12 (3d Cir. 2009) (finding “egregious” conduct where the creditor had exerted such influence and control as to qualify as an “insider” acting to the detriment of other creditors); In re Process-Manz Press Inc., 236 F. Supp. 333 (N.D. Ill. 1964) (upholding the Referee’s ruling that the claimant was “in substance the owner” of the bankrupt
and therefore a fiduciary), rev’d on jurisdictional grounds, 369 F.2d 513 (7th Cir. 1966).

Here, the Government has taken control over Chrysler’s business, and has used
that control to impose its own plan of reorganization at the expense of other creditors. This would normally subject a party to liability. See, e.g., Melamed v. Lake County Nat’l Bank, 727 F.2d 1399 (6th Cir. 1984) (finding that lender’s actions to “salvage” the corporate borrower were sufficient to state a claim of tortious interference with the debtor’s business relationships).

The Supreme Court long ago recognized that a secured creditor’s interest in
specific property is protected in bankruptcy under the Fifth Amendment.

* * * *

Congress could not pass a law that could be used to deny to secured creditors their rights to realize upon the specific property pledged to them or “the right to control meanwhile the property during the period of default.” . . . That is precisely what the Treasury Department would have Chrysler do here.

The Treasury Department is demanding that the Collateral be stripped away from
the Secured Lenders’ liens – thereby impairing the rights of the Secured Lenders to realize upon those assets – so that it may be put in New Chrysler. The plan is then to use those assets to benefit unsecured creditors in this proceeding, who will then recover substantially more than theSecured Lenders, who also will realize nothing on their unsecured deficiency claims. [Louisville Joint Land Bank v. Radford, 295 U.S. 555, 589, 594 (1935)]specifically disallowed this type of procedure as antithetical to the idea of a lien on property.

That the Treasury Department would do this to help the United States address difficult economic times is not an answer. Indeed, the same justification was expressly rejected in Radford, where Justice Brandeis noted that a statute which violated secured creditors’ rights, but which was passed for sound public purposes relating to the Great Depression, could not be saved because “the Fifth Amendment commands that, however great the nation’s need, private property shall
not be thus taken even for a wholly public use without just compensation.”

* * * *
In this case, the Court is being asked to determine whether the proposed sale is
appropriate. The fate of the U.S. automotive industry is high on the national agenda and is being closely monitored by the public. In recent months, high ranking members of the Executive Branch have dedicated substantial time and resources in an effort to rescue this troubled industry.Although the level of public interest and the federal government’s involvement make this case unusual, these circumstances do not change the absolute rights of the Senior Secured Lenders to the protections provided by the Bankruptcy Code.

. . . Nevertheless, apparently ignoring the plain letter of the law, the Debtors and the Government have asked the Court to approve the Sale Motion, which seeks to alter the very priority established by the Bankruptcy Code. The transaction that the Debtors and the Government seek to implement is designed primarily to benefit junior creditors whose claims theExecutive Branch seeks to elevate in contradiction of the law. The system of checks and balances put in place by the United States Constitution should not be influenced or disturbed by
the Executive Branch’s priorities.

* * * *
Here, the Executive Branch has effectively “turned off” the constitutional property rights of the Indiana Pensioners. This “denial of constitutionally protected rights demands judicial protection” . . . .

The Indiana Pensioners’ 42 page brief contains much more “inside bankruptcy” argument.

However, what ought to be alarming to Constitutionalists is the fundamental abuses of due process and the rule of law in this hurried “taking” of vested property rights from the Indiana Pensioners and their discounted transfer to FIAT, the U.A.W. and the U.A.W.-controlled VEBA.

Barack Obama pledged to uphold the Constitution. However He and his Treasury Department are allegedly doing their dead level best to ignore it in the rushed Chrysler bankruptcy.

The bankruptcy court has thus far shut down procedural maneuvering by the Indiana Pensioners, but substantive consideration of the objection remains.

42 M.P.G. CAFE AND THE FUTURE OBAMA-ENVIRONAZI BODY COUNT

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Dreamkilling Barack Obama may have conducted his propaganda photo op announcing the death of automotive liberty in America in the White House Rose Garden, but it's a different kind of flower that will proliferate under the 42 M.P.G. automobile Corporate Average Fuel Economy standard: FUNERAL FLOWERS.

USA Today, which is hardly a reliable bastion of automotive liberty or conservatism, has a "day after" story on the grave safety concerns of the fast track to micro-cars that is sure to result from the Obamanator-Governator-EnviroNazi "deal" to jack up fuel economy to Prius levels by 2016:

The National Academy of Sciences, Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, Congressional Budget Office and National Highway Traffic Safety Administration have separately concluded in multiple studies dating back about 20 years that fuel-economy standards force automakers to build more small cars, which has led to thousands more deaths in crashes annually. Even though the standards were updated in recent years to reduce the incentive for automakers to sell more small cars by allowing different fuel-economy targets for different vehicles, the fastest way to make cars more fuel-efficient is to make them smaller.

Some safety experts worry that the administration's green focus could reverse progress made in reducing the highway death toll. The fatality rate in car crashes reached its lowest ever in 2007 and is projected to drop even lower for 2008 — to 1.28 deaths per 100 million miles traveled.

Of course, it doesn't take a Harvard-trained physicist to figure out that: (a) weight and fuel economy are inextricably linked; and (b) smaller and lighter loses out every time to bigger and heavier. The pre-Obama CAFE was a proven killer. Now the Obamanator and the governator have just made it even worse.

However, the mere mention of hiked fuel economy standards and more "hamburger on the highway" was enough to cause the granola-eating, all-natural-fiber high priests of the environmental left to kowtow Obama into sacking his initial NHTSA nominee.

President Obama this month withdrew the name of his nominee to lead the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, longtime safety advocate Charles "Chuck" Hurley, after an outcry from environmentalists over Hurley's statements linking fuel-economy rules to highway deaths.

(However, sporting motorists were hardly sorry to see "MADD Chuck" go, given that he was poised to be the Obama Administration's stalking horse for a return of the 55 m.p.h. national speed limit)

FoMoCo's face of limp-wristed appliance motoring (other than William Clay Ford, Jr.), Vice President for Environment and Safety, Sue Cischke weighed in with the obvious:

When regulations establish requirements on what people buy, not what we make, if people aren't buying those, we have to offer incentives . . .We can't force people to buy what they don't want to buy.

We already know FoMoCo's favorite incentive is a draconian federal fuel tax . . .

Cischke also gave a clue about the butchering up of the next generation Mustang:

Though it'll be expensive, Ford's Cischke says, a lighter car can be made as safe as a heavier car.

Even before the new regulation, Ford Motor was planning on "taking between 250 and 750 pounds from (each of) our vehicles. That's a huge challenge," she says.

"It's all about managing the energy, protecting the crash cage," she says. "There are ways you can design a vehicle to be very strong, to provide the same crash safety as a heavier one."

Although anyone familiar with NASCAR racing knows that a "cage" can provide remarkable strength-to-weight and protection, the cost and the inconvenience is enormous. Thus, "taking between 250 and 750 pounds" out of the Mustang without using cost prohibitive methods, such as aluminum unibodies and carbon fiber, while at the same time beefing up the "cage" MEANS DOWNSIZING, CANNING THE V8s, AND FRONT WHEEL DRIVE.

If that happens, most Mustangers probably won't care if the ObamaMobile FWD "Mustang IIs" aren't as safe, because they'll be so depressed at the death of the "real" Mustang (V8 & RWD) that they'll WISH THEY WERE ALREADY DEAD!

Across-the-board downsizing is virtually a certainty in the lower-priced ranks because it does no good to build rolling high-tech fortresses of carbon fiber, magnesium, aluminum and dozens of airbags if regular wage earners cannot afford to buy them.

The $1,300.00-per-vehicle average price "tax" that will be extracted from new vehicle buyers to cover the fuel economy technology doesn't take into account the hidden costs of the Obamanator CAFE hike, such as higher insurance premiums that will be required to cover increased personal injury payouts, lost productivity, and manifold pain and suffering that will occur when the ObamaMobile hybrid minicars collide with working trucks or vintage vehicles that survive the Billy Ford and the Democrats' war on historic vehicles (a/k/a "Cash for Clunkers").

But as the highway carnage inevitably rises with the downsizing of the fleet, the radical Obamamaniacs and the freedom-hating EnviroNazis will certainly be waiting in the wings with the final piece of 1970s greeniac nostalgia: The federal 55 m.p.h. speed limit.

CAFE + CASH FOR CLUNKERS = FOMOCO'S "ONE-TWO PUNCH"

[Get the latest "Truth With Speedzzter here]

No doubt about it, William Clay Ford, Jr., Alan Mulally and the other radical greens at Ford Motor Company threw the automotive enthusiast and racing communities "under the bus" when they caved in to the infamous Obama-Schwarzenegger 42 m.p.g. Corporate Average Fuel Economy deal, and supported the disguised bailout/corporate welfare plan known as "Cash for Clunkers."

The company that's been gouging us for years on the overpriced Shelby GT500s, and which further plans to rip-off more of its most loyal customers with the bogus, V8-less Taurus SHO, is likely planning to use the OBAMA-nator's artificial market limitations to line its corporate pockets and kill off virtually all OEM rear wheel drive performance vehicles.

Under this fetid "deal" "Truth With Speedzzter" predicts that the vaporware "Coyote V8" will have one of the shortest careers for a mass-production engine ever.

Ford will wholly abandoned all pretense of serving the traditional RWD V8 enthusiast as it does backflips to cajole us into tiny, expensive Fiestas and other mini-cars that RWD V8 lovers will absolutely hate.

Whatever the OBAMA-Schwarzenegger-Eco era "Mustang" becomes, it's likely that current V8 ponycar customers will reject it as a worthy successor (even as Ford has done its dead level best to lag behind in the Second Supercar Era horsepower race with undersized V8s constructed with the weakest, cheapest, most worthless possible internal components). Of course, factory-paid journalists and propagandists will extol the virtues of the next generation wimpy, V8-less spiritual successor to the horrible 1974 Mustang II and the awful FWD Mazda-Probe-stang.

When that happens, there will be little if any reason for any Ford V8 traditionalists to darken the doors of a Ford dealership. The only thing that will be left of eighty years of affordable V8 performance tradtion at that point will be fading memories, and the dwendling number of collector Fords that somehow manage to escape the jaws of Billy Ford's "Cash-for-Clunkers" crushers.

Ford's "eco" politicking is simply a one-two punch to the guts and the wallets of its most loyal customers.

About the only other thing that's certain is that everything will cost a lot more.

Car Connection had this analysis:

The only reliable prediction, in fact, is that it will cost more--simply the cost of developing low-consumption new cars and advertising them to an uncertain public.

More involved is the dynamic for used cars. On the one hand, used-car prices are sure to rise as consumers can no longer buy a brand-new Chrysler 300C or Cadillac STS--as those companies get out of the big rear-drive-car business and shift their product mix heavily downward in size and engine output, some will opt instead to buy used and see how the new cars size up later. Since there will be a shortfall of new models as automakers spin on their heels to meet the new rules and to change American tastes roughly overnight, there will be a resulting shortfall in used cars as well. Shutting down production of bigger new cars now means fewer of them for sale later--and at the same time, more of you will want recent-model used cars that are bigger and safer on average, when compared to what you'll be offered in 2016.

Also pushing used-car prices higher: proposed cash-for-clunkers legislation. While some think it's yet another sop to the rich, giving a credit to people who can afford new cars, cash-for-clunkers deals also pull used cars with some value off the market. According to the Detroit News, under a plan still wending through Congress, drivers who turn in a car getting less than 18 mpg and purchasing one with fuel economy better than 22 mpg would get a voucher for $3,500 to $4,500 off a new car. Those incentives might very well take good used cars off the market for families that need low-cost used transportation.

Whatever the end result, the car of the future will look a lot less like today's Chrysler 300 and Ford Crown Victoria and a lot more like the 2011 Chevrolet Volt and the 2011 Ford Fiesta. Of the roughly 300 models sold in the U.S. today, about 130 meet a 30-mpg standard--not the nearly 40-mpg goal that will be required to blend with truck requirements and meet an overall goal of 35.5 miles per gallon

In other words, pay a lot more and get a lot less. Just like back in the 1970s.

FoMoCo and William Clay Ford, Jr. in particular, of course, apparently don't care about any of that. The Panther's dead. RWD is dead. V8s are dead. The Mustang as we know and love it is now on death row. Obama's plugging the wimpy hybrid Escape. And they're most likely giddy about all of that.

And they'd probably be happier if the Obama-Schwarzenegger assault on vehicular liberty destroys the "business case" for SVT, Ford Racing Performance Parts and Ford's support of motorsports. The appliance motorists in the Glass House will raise a toast with the liberal U.A.W. at the death of factory-built "American Muscle." The bean counters and "Steady Eddies" left in FoMoCo's bureaucracy will celebrate the "deproliferation" of high-performance options, just like they did in the 1970s.

As long as the per-widget profit margin is high enough, most of the hacks at Ford Motor Company would be happy building glacially-slow, one-cylinder plug-in hybrids. They simply just don't care about serving the wants, needs, and dreams of potential customers in the high-performance V8 market niche.

They will decry market-based oil imports as dangerous to "national security" even as they hypocritically become more beholden to cheap imported components and materials from Communist China and other places that categorically oppose America's national security.

And when the cookie-cutter, expensive new OBAMAmobile FWDs do not sell in sufficient volume to be profitable, William Clay Ford, Jr. and his paid public relations henchmen will undoubtedly be lobbying the Democrats for a draconian increase in the federal gas tax as a means of "re-educating" Ford customers to what Dearborn thinks is best for them.

The sad thing is that the thouands who would have enjoyed GT500-level RWD performance, had it been packaged in a more affordable form, will never have the opportunity.

OPEN LETTER TO CNBC'S PHIL LEBEAU ON "THE DEATH OF SUVS"

[Get the latest "Truth With Speedzzter" here]

CNBC's Phil LeBeau's opinion column entitled "Better Mileage Doesn't Mean The Death Of SUV" attempts to defuse anger at the Obama-nator and Governator "deal" to destroy what's left of automotive liberty in America.

LeBeau concludes:

SUVs will become more fuel efficient through the use of lighter weight materials (steel, aluminum, plastics), lighter weight components (electronics, software) and dramatically more efficient engines (delivering 8 cylinder performance while only using 6 cylinders of gas). Sure, developing and implementing these changes means the cost of vehicles will go up another $1,300 from current prices. It's the price we have to pay for finally getting with the program.

And yes, we Americans will pay it.

You, sir, are apparently INSANE!

While these all-aluminum and carbon fiber SUVs may still be available to the Range Rover class of buyers, regular folks who punch a clock for a paycheck will be priced out of the market. And with the idiotic giveaway known as "cash for clunkers," the supply of used SUVs will be decimated.

What's worse, the aluminum and carbon fiber SUVs will drive many high performance cars off the road -- Cars that would have been built in a free market.

The 35.5 m.p.g. fleet average will force a 42 m.p.g. average for cars. There won't be anything remotely like an M3 or a Shelby GT500 as we know it possible under that freedom-killing plan.

The elite journalists parrot the line that the average cost of compliance to be passed along to consumers is $1,300.00 per vehicle. Which means that for low-volume sporting and high-performance vehicles, the cost of compliance will be $5,000.00-$10,000.00 or more. Moreover, volume limitations inherent in an "average" will mean that OEM and dealer gouging will be rampant for anything that remotely resembles a "performance" car.

Thus, the liberty of regular wage-earners to purchase a large SUV or a high performance car is being regulated away.

SOME OF US DO NOT WANT A "FOUR" OR A "SIX." For those who have dreamed the American dream, played by the rules, struggled and saved up for a chance at the torque, power, rumble, and aural symphony of a V8 (or even an exotic v10 or V12), that future is being destroyed by the EnviroNazis. A "sealed-for-your-protection" EcoBoost six or four simply won't cut it.

Those who want a private jet, or a light aircraft, or a yacht, or energy-intensive vacations on cruise ships, or even a classic V-twin motorcycle instead of an affordable V8 muscle car will still be able to pursue their carbon-emitting dreams with abandon. But Socialist Obama and RINO Schwarzenegger have singled hot rodders, grassroots racers, V8 enthusiasts and the automotive culture to bear the lions-share of the quasi-religious "jihad" against the "anthropogenic climate change" bogeyman.

Sadly, elite journalists simply don't understand all of that. Or if they do, they simply don't care.

* * * *

Most certainly, elite journalists such as yourself have to tow the company line and cannot be critical of "The One." And you are OBVIOUSLY not a grassroots racer, tuner, or hot rodder, so you'll be happy, if not overjoyed, with your wussy Obamamobile, SmartPhoneBoothForTwo, or your $100,000.00 aluminum SUV.

But for those of us who really understand high performance motoring, this is an atomic bomb being dropped at ground zero on our automotive liberty.

THE OBAMA-NATOR: TERMINATING OUR AUTOMOTIVE LIBERTY

[Get the latest "Truth With Speedzzter" here]

On Tuesday, May 19, 2009, the end will be here.

Overly dramatic?

According to CNBC's Phil LeBeau:

The new standard will require automakers to cut tailpipe emissions by 30% by 2016. The fuel efficiency standard, currently at 27.5 MPG, will rise to 35 MPG by 2016. The automakers benefit because the new rule will give them flexibility in how they achieve the fuel efficiency requirements and there will only be one national standard, not a mishmash of varying standards state by state.

Under that quick of a time-frame, V8 muscle cars are most certainly going to be slaughtered in the headlong rush to build soulless, happy, smiley FWD Obamamobiles that are acceptable the appliance motorist greeniacs and their steroid-addled RINO lap-dog, California Governor Arnold Schwartzenegger.

Detroit, humiliated, humbled and beholden to corporate welfare will meekly comply, mostly out of the horror that could have arisen had the 9th Circuit and the soon-to-be Obama-ized Supreme Court had permitted the Peoples' Republic of California and thirteen other freedom-hating fellow-traveler police states to set their own fuel economy standards.

Thus, the long, gloomy nightmare that will be a redux of the 1970s, albeit about ten times more expensive and repressive this time, has now been assured.

For some of us, the EnviroNazis will get our "antique" V8s only as they pry the pistol-grip shifters out of our cold-dead hands. We are too old to wait out this long, dark, repressive nightmare. They may crush our collector cars and our bank accounts, but the power-mad looter vermin in charge will never crush our spirit and our resourcefullness.

Others, someday, may anticipate a new birth of vehicular freedom. Whether it occurs is up to a number daunting factors, such as advancements in alternative fuel technology, geopolitics and whether a sufficient number of courageous, freedom-loving voters can overthrow this approaching midnight of our discontent.

To say "see, I told you so" would be accurate, but it would not be helpful. We must fight in the short term to preserve as much of our automotive history as possible and in the long term to recover as much of it as we dare.

While the smokey, back-room Obama-Schwartzenegger-EnviroNazi power grab will dissuade millions of casual automobile enthusiasts from any defiance (mostly because pre-packaged muscle and sports cars will soon become neutered, sanitized, homogenized, and priced out-of-reach), a defiant core of resourceful believers in vehicular freedom and self-determination will reject the compromised, store-bought motoring appliances and hack together "freedom machines" that send but one unmistakable message to those who would attempt to crush our liberty and our dreams.

While the going will become much tougher and the way less traveled, rest assured that some of us will keep on keeping on, if only to gouge the eyes of the "Governator," the Obama-nator, and other pansies of motoring.

THE LIFTER SISTERZ ON “MARVIN” (LIL’ JIMMY’S FIRST JEEP® )

(A special guest column by Hydra and Cammie, the Lifter Sisterz)

[Get the latest “Truth With Speedzzter” here]

HYDRA: Like we told you last week, “Speedzzter” asked us – Hydra and Cammie, the Lifter Sisterz -- to provide a “second opinion” on some of the gibberish that passes for advice in the syndicated Car Talk column by those two old M.I.T. brainiacs Tom and Ray Magliozzi, a/k/a “Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers.

Now in last Friday’s paper, Click and Clack hacked on some college kid named “James” who missed his first hooptie . . . an ‘89 Jeep ® Cherokee . . . .

CAMMIE: NOW WAIT JUST A MINUTE, COOG!

We were supposed to do this column on FRIDAY!

WHERE WERE YOU ALL WEEKEND?

HYDRA: WHO YOU CALLIN’ “COOG,” MISSY!

[Hydra begins singing Paul Thorn’s “It’s a Great Day”]

It’s a bad day, so you betta’ git off ‘a my back!
You might git cold cocked
If you cross my path,
Cuz it’s a great day for me to whup my sister’s . . . .

CAMMIE: WATCH IT! WATCH IT! Speedzzter said we had to be on our best behavior because of little kids that might be reading this instead of doing their school work. Besides, I don’t want to have to keep explaining your Tourette’s Syndrome potty mouth to the preacher . . .

So answer the question! Where were you this weekend?

HYDRA: Hello, Miss Daisy! It’s the month of May! INDIANAPOLIS! The final weekend of qualifying for the FIVE HUNDRED! Bubble day! Do I have to borrow one of your crayons and draw you a picture?

CAMMIE: You’ve got to be kidding me.

I spent all weekend answering wrecker calls and wondering if you were laid out somewhere in a ditch! But MISS Demeanor here was canoodling around the Indianapolis Motor Speedway?

HYDRA: I met a three or four nice boys in the infield, but there was no “canoodling” . . . .

CAMMIE: What happened? Zipper get stuck on your leopard-print jump suit?

HYDRA: They’re gonna be putting a zipper-stitch up side your head in the emergency room . . .

CAMMIE: CALM DOWN! Can’t you take a joke? I mean, look in the mirror . . .

HYDRA: You’re just lucky I spent all night driving home from the Speedway . . . YAWN . . . or I’d give you something to look at in the mirror, Sweetie!

CAMMIE: So, why would anyone put themselves through all that for “Bump Day?”

I mean, ever since Tony George got all full of himself and thought he was one of the France Family and nearly killed Champ Car racing with his power grab, qualifying for the Indy 500 has had about as much “drama” as you at a drive-in movie with some with some greasy mullet-head in a Camaro.

HYDRA: I'll . . . YAWN . . . pretend didn’t hear that, Miss-I-Couldn’t-Get-a-Date-In-High-School.

Indy racing is obviously another one of those subjects in that big encyclopedia of stuff you don’t know anything about. . . .

CAMMIE: Well, Professor Bubble-Head, why don’t you “splain it” to us bumpkins . . .

HYDRA: Well, this year, there was more bumpin’ and qualifying “drama” on Indy bubble day than a whole season of NASCAR. Just ask Alex Tagliani, Stanton Barrett, or Buddy Lazier.

Andretti didn’t even make the show until about five minutes before the end of qualifying . . . on his last attempt!

CAMMIE: Andretti? Isn’t “Mr. Magnaflow” about SEVENTY YEARS OLD? Tony George must be scapin’ the bottom . . .

HYDRA: Not Mario! John Andretti. He looks a lot younger than you do . . .

CAMMIE: Apparently the heat and that corset has gotten to my Sister . . .

HYDRA: Just shut up and listen . . . YAWN . . . John Andretti was trying to qualify Richard Petty’s car . . .

CAMMIE: WHAT! They’re letting ‘em run Dodge Chargers in the Indy 500?

HYDRA: Of course not!

Now that Petty Enterprises is stone-cold dead and “The King” and his perfect set of teeth are apparently just figureheads at RPM, they cut a deal for RPM to be part of a real open-wheel Indy Car team, Dreyer & Reinbold Racing.

Anyhoo, Andretti folded her into the wall on the first weekend of qualifying and he was having trouble getting the 43 up to qualifying speed.

Then, at the last minute on Bubble Day, he bumped out Ryan Hunter-Reay. But Hunter-Reay came back on the final run of the day to whack out Tagliani. Mix into that a whole bunch of folks that kept pulling their cars out and requalifing them to stay off of the bump spot, and it was a crazy day at the Speedway.

CAMMIE: Well, this isn’t Sportscenter or the Speed Report, so we’d better get back to giving our second opinion on lovelorn James and his long lost Cherokee.

HYDRA: Alright, Lil’ Jimmy wrote:

DEAR TOM AND RAY: I’m having a serious case of separation anxiety from my old car. It was a 1989 Jeep ® Cherokee – a perfect first car for a 16-year-old-boy, if you asked me, as long as you ignored the fact that it had no air bags [Apparently Cammie never rode in it], working seatbelts or safety features of any kind. The car had tons of personality . . . .

CAMMIE: Do WE really need your half-awake, juvenile editorial commentary? The kid’s car was a pile but he loved it. Let’s just cut to the chase.

HYDRA: YAWN . . . Okay.

Jimmy wrote, “I even gave the [Jeep ® ] a name: Marvin.”

CAMMIE: What! Marvin? Oh that’s a real take-no-prisoners, storming-the-beaches-at-Normandy, bashing-the-Rubicon kind of name! Not!

HYDRA: What is it with you and names? What should the kid have called his heap?

AH-NULD?

Matt Dillon?

Sylvester?

Spike?

Chief Leaks-a-Lot?

CAMMIE: I guess you’re right. An '89 Cherokee is kind of a milktoast Jeep®.

HYDRA: Not as wimpy as the Jeep Compass. That one would be like the Corporal Klinger-in-a-floral-print-dress of Jeeps.

CAMMIE: At least a Cherokee is sort of like a suburban soccer-man’s car. I mean it’s not a Prius or a Volkswagen Jetta.

HYDRA: Funny you should mention a Jetta, because that’s what Lil’ Jimmy’s Pa stuck him with to drive off to college.

CAMMIE: Yeah, I WAS HERE ON FRIDAY AND I READ IT IN THE FREAKIN’ PAPER!

HYDRA: Enough already. I’m sorry that you don’t know anything about any racing that doesn’t feature that overrated booze-hound, “Dale Junior.”

CAMMIE: I’m NOT one of those blind-to-mediocrity Junior fans! Now if he drove a Ford . . .

HYDRA: Well, back to Lil’ Jimmy’s QUESTION . . .

Now my problem is this: Despite my love for my new car – named Wolfgang, by the way – I find myself mentioning my old Jeep ® in conversations at least three times a week. In fact, I even have recurring dreams about the car. It has been more than a year now, and I fear I will never be able to move on. Tom and Ray, I need your help. What can I do to get over my old Car?

CAMMIE: How about dumping that wussy VeeDub and scoring a real car, like my 725-horse Shelby GT500!

HYDRA: Uh, Miss Motorhead! He’s a COLLEGE STUDENT!

He’s not going to swing a $50,000.00 Mustang on the bread he mooches off of his Daddy. And even if he could, do you really think that little green lizard or the cave men, or President Palmer or any other insurance hack would write him a policy for it?

Anyway, Click and Clack made a bunch of purported jokes about Tom’s affection for rolling junk and then said Jimmy-the-Kid should keep his memories alive, but would probably be a social outcast for jabbering on about his near-dead first SUV.

CAMMIE: That’s it?

HYDRA: You “read” it on Friday? Right?

CAMMIE: Okay, so it’s second opinion time. Let’s get it on!

HYDRA: Well, you’re right about how the Magliozzi’s missed it . . like you did your high school prom. They should have advised Lil’ Jimmy to make some new memories with something that approaches a real man’s car. Maybe an old Mustang 5.0, or even a real Jeep ®, like a vintage CJ5 or a Wrangler.

CAMMIE: Do Tom and Ray know anything about “real man’s cars?”

And, what kind of father would send his kid packing off to college in wimpy Wolfgang-the-Jetta?

HYDRA: The kind that apparently doesn’t want any grandchildren.

The next thing the kid will be doing is watching “Bravo,” and “Lifetime,” and “HGTV” all day. . . and going to Star Trek conventions or playing role-playing games . . Then he’ll be reading People Magazine and following Perez Hilton on Twitter . . . And before you know it, he’ll probably be buying a one-way ticket to San Francisco . . . . Goodby grandkids!

All because his Old Man didn’t love him enough to buy him a MAN’S CAR for college . . . .

CAMMIE: Yup. A Jetta would be a four-wheeled female repellant alright.

HYDRA: YAWN . . . Even the “Wolfsburg Edition . . . .”

CAMMIE: Oh well, that’s different. He’s probably covered up in steaming, fecund co-eds. Yeah, it’d be like a ZZTOP video . . . .

HYDRA: ARE YOU CRAZY!

CAMMIE: It’s called SARCASM, Hon . . . kind of like when all those wasted losers on parole you meet tell you how “smokin’ hot” you are . . . .

HYDRA: I may be barely awake, but I still could “parole” you home for a month on medical leave . . . .

CAMMIE: R-I-G-H-T. You and that pancake of eye shadow can barely keep your puffy, old, bloodshot eyes open.

So, let’s wrap this up so you can finally get to work.

Jimmy, it’s okay to think about your “first love.” Study hard, make lots of money, and you can track down another Cherokee some day.

I mean Barrett-Jackson has made millions selling imagined copies of long-lost “first cars” to baggy, old Viagra(r) addicts.

When you’re old, somebody will hawk you a pristine Cherokee . . . .

HYDRA: YAWN . . . Hey now, you meet a lot of nice, distinguished, rich gentlemen out at Barrett-Jackson. . . Whoa . . . YAWN. . . YAWN . . . Guys that know . . . YAWN . . . how to . . . treat a . . . lady . . . . Although you wouldn’t know . . . anything about that, would you, Miss . . . Miss . . . Miss-Sarah-Plain-And-Tall?

YAWN.

CAMMIE: Whatever, Sleepyhead.

But Jimmy-Boy, just like my sister, you can’t live in the past. Sure, I know a bunch of old sots with twenty-something trophy wives and Corvettes who do, but you’re young and you need to be making some new memories.

You’ve got to dump “Wolfgang” Jetta and get something that’s hot enough to make you forget about “Marvelous” Marvin-the-Cherokee.

A saucy little sports number or a pavement-shredding supercar should make that old broken-down old Jeep ® look like the zit-faced hag you wouldn’t have touched in high school.

I know it’s tough on a college-student’s budget, but a few rips down a drag strip or open track in a real car will do wonders to make you forget your decrepit “first love.”

Trust me. I know.

HYDRA: Zzzzzzzz.

CAMMIE: Oh great. Hydra’s zonked out and I’m stuck running the wrecker another day. Well that really bursts my bubble!

Until next time, for the Lifter Sisterz, keep your slicks a spinnin.’

HYDRA: Zzzzzzz.