UAW'S GETTLEFINGER -- NO WAGE CONCESSIONS FOR GM, CHRYSLER

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The Automotive News is reporting that "The UAW will sacrifice to help General Motors and Chrysler LLC get their federal loans, but doesn't expect to take lower wages, President Ron Gettelfinger said Wednesday night at the Automotive News World Congress.

"Speaking on the sidelines of the Automotive News World Congress, Gettelfinger said automaker executives have indicated publicly that wage concessions would not be required of the union as part of federal bailout provisions being demanded of General Motors and Chrysler LLC. 'We're not expecting lower wages,' he said."

Gettelfinger and his UAW comrades must have misunderstood the gist of the bailout hearings. Or more likely, they are banking on "payback" from the Obama administation.

Still, Gettelfinger's comments, if accurate, exhibit a staggering tone-deafness, if not reckless brinkmanship.

Gettelfinger is playing right into the hands of the anti-"Beg 3" crowd.

“FIX IT AGAIN TONY” EYES CHRYSLER

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It may not be as titanic as the futile Studebaker-Packard merger of the 1950s, but the recent overture by FIAT for a “no cash” stake in Chrysler appears desperate.

With Chrysler’s deadline to come up with a survival plan looming and Chrysler hemorrhaging capital, Fabbrica Italiana Automobili Torino, S.p.A. (FIAT) has proposed a “strategic alliance” and possible equity stake of up to 35% to 55% in what’s left of Cerberus’s mangy dog of a carmaker.

None of that silly “merger of equals” gibberish this time around. FIAT clearly is bargain hunting for a quick and cheap beachhead in the U.S. market.

This is the same FIAT that abandoned the U.S. market decades ago in a haze of awful quality and poor market perceptions (excluding, of course Fiat’s subsidiary Ferrari and the relatively recent micro-reentry of Maserati to America).

This is the same FIAT that Sergio Marchionne brought back from the brink of disaster in 2004.

This is the same FIAT that General Motors spent $2 Billion to get away from earlier in this decade.

This is the same FIAT that provided the building blocks and some of the know-how to the old Soviet Union in a joint venture named AutoVAZ (a/k/a Lada outside the former USSR).

This is the same FIAT who worked with Yugoslav carmaker Zastava (parent of the FIAT127-derived Zastava Koral, which was best known around these parts as the Yugo).

How is this supposed to impress the 535 automotive ignoramuses in Congress who are poised to send Cerberus to the pound at the end of March 2009?

Will Chrysler’s Robert “Home Depot” Nardelli – and even Jim “Toyotathon” Press – will drive to their next verbal flogging before Congress in Michael Schumacher-edition Ferraris instead of corporate jets to demonstrate FIAT’s technical prowess?

Sergio, however, sees this as a cheap way to build a national dealer organization for the FIAT 500 small car, slated to immigrate stateside in 2010. Of course, some analysts suggest that Chrysler’s dealer base is about 75% larger than is sustainable, which would make it probably about 90% too big for the FIAT 500.
FIAT is probably banking on the short memories of Americans to forget “Fix it again, Tony” and all of the other 1970s jokes about FIAT’s legendary quality shortfalls and repair shop gouging. Yet teaming up with the quality-challenged Chrysler is sure to prompt know-it-alls like “Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers” and various flacks for “Team Toyota” to “yuk it up” at FIAT’s expense.

Moreover, whether Americans are clamoring for Italian small cars – regardless of how well they’re received over on “the Continent” -- remains an open question.

Still “Dr. Z’s Daimler and Cerberus both have left Chrysler with minimal small car options. And the universe of potential mates for Chrysler is very limited. Perhaps an alliance with FIAT is the best Chrysler can come up with for its breathlessly-awaited viability plan.

But if somehow Chrysler lives long enough to hawk FIAT 500s in the heartland along side SRT-8s, Chargers, and Ram pickups, will they hire Tony Shalhoub, who voiced “Luigi” the 1959 Fiat 500 in Disney/Pixar’s film Cars, to announce “Dis tinga does NOTA have a Hemi?”

Or will we see an automotive version of the Maytag repair man (named Tony, of course) lamenting the bulletproof reliability of new FIAT-Chryslers.

And will the few FIAT Topolinos that haven’t been altered with a honkin’ Hemi V8 now be welcomed at the MoPar Nationals?

Only time will tell.