PARITY, PARODY AND THE DETROIT AUTOMAKERS

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Ford Motor Company claims that their new deal with the United Autoworkers Union creates "parity" with the predatory Japanese invader automakers, and a claimed $500 million in annual savings.

Of course it remains to be seen if mere "parity" is enough. Or will larger market events swamp Ford?

At least Ford has achieved something (without government intervention) that Chrysler and GM desperately need to.

As for the parody . . . Autoextremist Peter M. DeLorenzo hits out of the park again on the absurd parody that is Obama's Automotive Task Force (better known here as the Car Czar Central Committee):

Now that we have been blessed with a visit from President Obama’s auto task force, we can just feel the rush of Shiny Happy adrenalin running through our veins. Not. Unfortunately, there’s no amount of fact-finding and due diligence that’s going to get these people up to speed in order to save the domestic auto industry, no matter how well intended they claim to be.

AMEN, Peter!

And lest we forget about Tricinda's Jerry York (who managed to help relieve Kirk Kerkorian of some excess capital through ill-timed investments in Ford and GM), Seeking Alpha's Tyler Durden rips on him.

However, one Jerry York quote that Durden highlights does make some sense:

[I]t would be deplorably bad to have a company the size of GM go through a normal bankruptcy process at this time. With the unemployment rate being so high, the carnage in the financial markets, it's going to make the markets substantially worse.

Yet if Obama's hapless band of automotive know-nothings, the oft greed-soaked and myopic U.A.W., and a few other stakeholders don't figure a way out the situation with amazing speed, bankruptcy is just what might happen.

Tyler Durden's gig on Jerry York triggered a bizarre outpouring of Anti-GM "hate speech" as well as paeans to other GM dissidents as diverse as Ross Perot and John Z. Delorean.
Truth With Speedzzter responded as follows:

With the global auto market depressed as it is and even the unreasonably venerated Japanese invader/predatory exporter auto companies slashing costs and begging their home government for bailout funds, it would seem that nearly every automaker is building "vehicles that no one wants to buy."

Certainly, GM's soulless, "appliance motorist" bean counters crushed most of what was left of GM during the past thirty years. But the lion's share of the blame rests squarely upon federal policies which bled the Detroit 3 to near-death from unfunded mandates and favoritism toward the predatory Japanese invasion of the U.S. light vehicle market.

Perot, York, and DeLorean were all clueless as to how to truly fix GM. Perot's massive ego gave us two terms of Clinton. York is a wantabee who has lost a truck-load of money for his employer. DeLorean couldn't even build a sports car or manage a simple drug deal, much less run a Fortune 5 corporation.

(Okay, so perhaps that was a little harsh on the late John Z. Delorean. After all, he and Jim Wangers did cook up the subversive (albeit underengineered) 1964 Pontiac G.T.O. Of course, much like Lee Iacocca, Delorean went on make a number of poor decisions which would call his automotive genius into question.)


Finally, Bangshift.com's Brian Lohnes takes a worthwhile shot at a more "takin'-it-to-the-streets" level of automotive parody: the infamous "That Guy" -- the ubiquitous, big-talking, no-experience, imaginary hot rodder. He concludes "I’d rather have a discussion with a guy that has a totally riced out Civic that he loves and has poured his time into than someone who is obviously fabricating their entire story on the spot."

Sadly, Mr. Lohnes would be hard pressed to find anyone on Obama's Car Czar Central Committee with enough real-world automotive experience to carry on a substantive conversation. It's a collection of politically-correct, appliance-motoring, subway-riding, tree-worshiping "that guys."

On the other hand, Obama himself may be a political version of "that guy."

A sycophantic Howard Fineman writes:

Obama may be mistaking motion for progress, calling signals for a game plan. A busy, industrious overachiever, he likes to check off boxes on a long to-do list. A genial, amenable guy, he likes to appeal to every constituency, or at least not write off any. A beau ideal of Harvard Law, he can't wait to tackle extra-credit answers on the exam.

But there is only one question on this great test of American fate: can he lead us away from plunging into another Depression?

If Obama's too-green Car Czar Central Committee of dissemblers fails to figure out some way to stabilize the Beg 2's eroding situation, we will be even closer than we already are to the precipice of another depression.

And there's certainly no parody in that.

KERKORIAN AND YORK: “CRAZY ABOUT . . . MERCURY” (with apologies to Alan Jackson)

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NOW, BACK TO TODAY'S POST KERKORIAN AND YORK: “CRAZY ABOUT . . . MERCURY” .

Kirk and Jerry are at it again.

This time, however, Kirk Kerkorian and Jerry York are targeting Ford Motor Company ®.

Having previously made lucrative plays for Chrysler and General Motors, it was probably only a matter of time before the Tricinda Boys raided Dearborn for a quick profit. However, Truth with Speedzzter has been so excited about the recent boost in the share prices of FoMoCo’s stock that it has withheld comment on the Kerkorian and York’s maraud.

But now Jerry York has started making noises about “parting out” FoMoCo. He thinks the “Way Forward” is by selling Volvo and Mercury.

Thus, in the words of Edmund Burke, “An event has happened, upon which it is difficult to speak, and impossible to be silent.” Or in modern parlance, such lunacy cannot be ignored.

While some have long expected FoMoCo to spin off Volvo next after dumping its notorious “English Patients,” such a move makes little LONG TERM strategic sense.

York and Kerkorian, of course, are likely salivating over a short-term “hit” of cash that a “sale” of Volvo would generate.

But selling Volvo simply ignores how important Ford’s Swedish division is to the overall operations of FoMoCo. Volvo has provided much of the basic architecture for FoMoCo’s large FWD/AWD sedans and crossovers. Even those of us who’d rather see FoMoCo invest more in RWD sedans cannot ignore that FoMoCo has achieved a worthwhile engineering synergy with Volvo.

And Volvo is central to FoMoCo’s rehabilitation of its safety image after the Explorer/Firestone debacle and other high profile auto safety gaffes (i.e. Bronco rollovers, exploding Pintos and Police Interceptors, cruise control and ignition switch fires . . . .) Volvo is perhaps the most serious automobile manufacturer about improving automotive safety. Volvo’s unique culture allows it to pursue avenues for improved safety that are plainly outside of the “bean counter”/protect-my-turf mentality that seemingly pervades the Glass House and FoMoCo’s U.S. operations. Moreover, Volvo’s sterling reputation for safety innovation and rock-solid durability provide a beneficial “halo” for FoMoCo’s brands. Selling Volvo would be interpreted by some as a retreat from improving safety and another move of desparation.

More critically, unlike Jaguar, Volvo makes money.

Thus, selling Volvo would be at best a “short term gain, long term loss.”

Cynics suspect that an old wheezer such as Kirk Kerkorian isn't too concerned about the long term . . . .

The idea of “selling Mercury” is crazy. It's “off-the-hook loco.” It’s mandatory-drug-test berserk. It’s call-the-men-in-the-white-coats demented.

Unlike Volvo, Mercury is a nameplate, not an autonomous organization. Thus, other than the name and perhaps some franchising rights, there's not really anything to sell.

Moreover, Mercury is inextricably linked with Ford. After over a decade of resisting the brand “ladder” marketing system developed by General Motors in the 1920s and 1930s, Henry Ford finally gave in to Edsel Ford’s desire for a stylish, intermediate “step” between the luxurious Lincoln and the mass-market Ford. Thus, Mercury was originally conceived of as a bigger, faster, more powerful Ford.

Over the years, FoMoCo has done its best to dilute the “bigger, faster, more powerful” image by turning Mercury into a badge-engineered clone of Ford (albeit with a skosh more padding, plating and stick-on trim). Thus, Mercury is often just a “Ford” sold through the Lincoln-Mercury dealer channel.

Occasionally, FoMoCo has permitted Mercury some unique models, such as the European Capris of the 1970s, the popular notchback Cougars of the 1980s and 1990s, the more radically-styled Sables of the late 1980s, the idiotic FWD Australian Capri two-seater of the early 1990s, the underpowered and underdeveloped 2003-2004 Marauder, and now – with the passing of the consumer version of the Ford badged Panther – the underpowered and increasingly stale Grand Marquis. But other than that, Mercury is wholly dependant upon rebadging Fords.

To be sure, FoMoCo’s mishandling of Mercury is probably even worse than GM’s mauling of Oldsmobile or Chrysler’s slow, painful starvation of Plymouth. And while trying to generate a bit of cash by selling the Mercury nameplate does, on-paper, make a little more sense than just interring it in the graveyard of great automotive brands, that’s not the answer.

Who would buy Mercury?

Undoubtedly, it would be some Asian upstart, such as the Chinese company which snapped up the storied MG brand. That, at best, would generate confusion in the marketplace. It would also be an insult to the millions of Americans and Canadians who have designed, built, sold, bought, modified, raced and loved Mercury cars over the past six decades.

The answer is not to sell Mercury, but to MEANINGFULLY differentiate it from Ford.

Mercury should become Ford’s experimental division. The Mercury brand could adopt an SVT “tuner” mentality and become a basis for a broader SVT operation within FoMoCo. Mercury could be positioned as more aggressive and innovative on adoption of new technologies, such as was Oldsmobile in its halcyon period of the 1930s through the 1960s. Given the consolidation of FoMoCo’s distribution channels, Mercury does not need to badge engineer Ford’s whole line, but instead could become more targeted on unique niches that could be seen as too small or quirky for the Ford brand.

The strengths of Mercury’s heritage should be built upon, not ignored, sold or forgotten.

For example, Cougar is an abused and misused nameplate that’s simply too good to abandon forever. Yet millions of dollars of advertising has linked this name to Mercury. The idea of a high-tech, Eco-boost (tm) hybrid electric DOHC V8 Marauder could revitalize the concept of a large North American GT “muscle car.” Those who remember the sassy, European mini-Mustang Capri of the 1970s undoubtedly wonder why Mercury cannot reprise something equally as exciting and fuel efficient today. Cyclone and Comet are also attractive model names which could be appended to value-added niche products. And the greatest basis of a “kool” custom car of all time is the 1949-1950 Mercury – yet Mercury has done little to tap into this heritage of “kool.”

Because no one expects Mercury to sell in the volumes of the Ford brand, Mercury could be used to pursue such high value and high image niches. It could be used to take risks.

But “selling Mercury” makes no sense at all.

Kirk Kerkorian and Jerry York are probably about as good for Ford as another billionaire octogenarian vandal – Sumner “MTV” Redstone – is for American culture as a whole. In other words, just some souless, green-eye-shade wearing pirates out for a quick buck. York’s “craziness” “about . . . Mercury” proves as much. But at least he’s not made any noises about bringing back the “Father of the Exploding Pinto and the Appalling Chrysler K Car” (Lee Iacocca) . . . yet.

UPDATE: BusinessWeek had this to say about the CRAZY talk of sending Mercury to the great car-crusher in the sky . . . .

Mercury spokesman Mark Schirmer says research shows some Mercury customers wouldn't consider the Ford brand. He says about 40% of buyers for the Mercury Milan and Mariner models are new to the Ford family, up to around 60% for the Mariner hybrid model. But they are also among Ford's oldest customers: According to a 2007 study by Strategic Vision, buyers of the Mercury Mariner SUV, with a median age of 53, were the youngest Mercury buyers, vs. a median age for the industry of 52. The average age of Mercury Grand Marquis buyers is 72. [THAT AGE WOULD BE A LOT LOWER IF L-M HADN'T "MUFFED" THE MARAUDER OR STUCK SO DOGMATICALLY WITH THE WHEEZING 2V SOHC 4.6!]

Dropping Mercury would also hurt Lincoln dealers, who are paired with Mercury. "They're having a tough enough time as it is, with two brands, without taking one away," Harbour says. Woodcliff Lake (N.J.)-based Autodata reports Mercury sales in 2007 were 168,422, down 6.9%. Lincoln sales were 131,487, up 9.1% from 2006.