"BIG ED" WHITACRE "DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CARS"

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On a surreal spring day when a President that was first boosted by the infamous "Chicago Machine," crushed his opponents, shredded the Constitution, and rammed through the transfer of Chrysler to an Italian conglomerate (sometimes known as "Fix It Again Tony") and the U.A.W.'s Voluntary Employee Benefits Association, the proposed chairman of the Obama Administration's other automotive ward, "Government Motors," proudly announced "I don’t know anything about cars.”

Perhaps that made him overqualified for Obama's Car Czar Central Committee of appliance motorists and bus riders.

Of course GM has already tried the "know-nothing-but-it's-just-a-business" approach in 1992-1995 with "Toothpaste King" John Smale. The results were unmitigated disaster.

But among the arrogant looter class of which President Obama was a proud "community organizer," chairing the GM board apparently doesn't require knowing the difference between a Corvette and a Chevette. It certainly does not require any demonstrated comptence or vision in the automotive field or any background in designing, engineering, manufacturing, or selling motor cars.

Perhaps we're lucky that Joe Biden didn't get the job. Of course Gaffe-mouth Joe owns a Corvette, so he's probably overqualified.

All "Big Ed" really needs to know is that Obama, Rahm Emanuel, the greeniacs, and the EPA are "large and in charge." And all "Big Ed" really has to understand is that "the mission" is to build enough tiny, electro-magic fuel sippers (that the market really doesn't want) to pay off the U.A.W. and ensure Obama's reelection.

In other words, it's the "What a Wonderful World" view of management:

Don't know much about history
Don't know much biology
Don't know much about a science book
Don't know much about the french I took

But I do know that I love you
And I know that if you love me too
What a wonderful world this would be

[With apologies to Sam Cooke]

Whether the automotive community will really "love Big Ed" remains to be seen. But it is consistent with the entire Inside-the-Beltway approach to the auto business to put someone in charge that hasn't even proven he can change a tire on his own.

Whitacre might be good news for fans of GM's participation in NASCAR, though. Although some have suggested that the Obama Administration will force GM and Chrysler out of NASCAR at the end of 2009, Whitacre's AT&T, nee SBC Communications, nee Southwestern Bell Telephone Co. saw the value of NASCAR racing. Perhaps "Big Ed" was paying attention at the meetings discussing the NASCAR sponsorship. Whitacre is also an Exxon-Mobil board member, which is another company that has dabbled from time to time in motorsports sponsorships.

And NASCAR's BRIAN FRANCE arguably "don't know much" about running a sanctioning body, so that gives him something in common with "Big Ed."

Still, helming the GM board is a poor place to serve an apprenticeship in the auto business. Of course, most of us also thought that the White House was ill-suited for on-the-job training prior to the emergence of the mulatto reprise of "Camelot."