GM “ON THE FRITZ,” MOTORING TO THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE, AND OTHER “OBAMINATIONS”

[Get the latest “Truth With Speedzzter” here]

Just what General Motors needed . . .

(at least in the minds of Barack “can’t-change-a-flat-tire” Obama and his equally clueless Central Committee of Car Czars)

. . . is apparently another career “bean counter” at the helm.

Frederick “Fritz” Henderson “comes out of GM's financial side - the same path to the top taken by Wagoner and his predecessor, Jack Smith. Henderson joined GM as a senior analyst in the treasurer's office in New York in 1984.”

His main job qualification: He’s not Rick Wagoner.

Nor is he “Maximum” Bob Lutz or some other skeptical, rebellious, grease-under-the-fingernails-gearhead (undoubtedly to the relief of “appliance motorist” politicians, power-mad bureaucrats, and career tree huggers in the Obama camp).

Actually, Fritz gets management credit for some profitable mini-cars built by GM do Brasil.

Perhaps that would make him sort of a “third-world” car guy. . . .

Fritz, of course, mouths some of the obligatory “right” words about the importance of product.

“Our job is not only to build vehicles people want to buy, but to communicate that people want to buy our vehicles.”

Wow. Spoken like a true green-eye-shade M.B.A. That will really rally America to GM’s defense against the predatory Japanese invaders and scare the U.A.W. into market-based concessions . . . .

Not that much of this matters anyhow.

Obama and the Car Czar Central Committee are calling the shots. And those shots increasing appear to be aimed toward a summer-time bankruptcy filing.

But Obama and the Car Czar Central Committee now want to take some of the sting out of the increasingly probable bankruptcies by claiming that the Obama Administration will guarantee the warranties on new cars. Obama announced that:

“If you buy a car from Chrysler or General Motors, you will be able to get your car serviced and repaired just like always. Your warranty will be safe. In fact, it will be safer than it's ever been because starting today the United States government will stand behind your warranty.”

(Not as catchy as Lee Iacocca’s old “if you can find a better warranty, buy it” sales pitch. On the other hand, Iacocca never could create a new government-backed entitlement by reading a few lines off of a TelePrompter(tm))

Of course, if GM or Chrysler are liquidated in Chapter 7, does this mean that the federal government is going into the auto parts business?

And if so, will the availability of replacement parts be filtered through the Obama Administrations’ radical environmental goals. (“We’re sorry, ObamaPartsPlus doesn’t carry any parts for Dodge Vipers or SRT-8s. Would you like a nice electric hybrid micro-car instead?”)

All of this as Rush Limbaugh correctly wonders:

Does anybody know whether Barack Obama knows how to change a tire? Does anybody know whether Barack Obama knows how to use a tire gauge? Does he know anything about this? Do any of the people on his auto task force have the slightest idea about the mechanics of an automobile, the designing of an automobile, the manufacturing of an automobile, and of course the marketing and sale? Now we're in the warranty business, too, ladies and gentlemen. I don't know if you know this or not but starting today the United States government will stand behind your warranty on a newly purchased General Motors car. Now, that's going to be cool, isn't it? You take your car in for a problem and you're going to have to argue with the government representative you're dealing with as to whether or not it's really a problem and whether you caused it. You think dealing with the DMV is a struggle now, wait 'til this kicks into gear.

By the way, is any of this remotely constitutional?

And some "progressives" will undoubtedly wonder whether "warranty insurance" isn't as much of a "fundamental human right" as they claim "health insurance" is.

SPEEDZZTER’S “WELFARE CADILLAC” FILE:

Now that Ford Motor Company and GM have joined Hyundai in offering a job-loss guarantee on qualifying new vehicles, Truth With Speedzzter expects the quality of vehicles at unemployment offices nationwide to dramatically improve.

Given that GM’s plan is known as “Total Confidence,” Truth With Speedzzter wonders how enterprising customers will “scam” these guaranteed payment plans.

Obviously, a bit of “job loss” “benefit” planning for some is now to rush down to your local GM or Ford dealer and buy the most expensive new vehicle they can qualify to finance so that they can motor in style to pick up their unemployment checks and, someday, to job interviews.

Does Rick Wagoner qualify for these programs?

Can you snag a Shelby GT500 or a Corvette ZR1 just before you get “downsized?”

As the humorist Will Rogers once observed, "We're the only nation to drive to the poorhouse in a Cadillac." Indeed.