HYBRIDS ARE GEEZER -WAGONS?

What says "oldster" better than a Mercury Grand Marquis?

It may be a hybrid.

According to a J.D. Power survey reported in the Automotive News (www.autonews.com), only two percent of hybrids go to owners who are under twenty-five years of age. Another twenty-six belong to "drivers"(Read: transportation appliance owners) in the coveted 25-44 demographic.

The remaining seventy-two percent are snapped up by geezers and sagging baby boomers. Twenty-nine percent of the "trendy" gas-electric heaps belong to folks between 45 and 54. Another twenty-four percent of owners are 55 and 64. A whopping nineteen percent of those who "throw the Reddy Kilowatt switch" are 65 or older!

These demographics are not surprising.

Hybrid ownership is a dodgy proposition from a purely economic standpoint. Absent fat tax incentives or a dramatic run-up in fuel prices, the payback period on hybrids is several years. And the great unknown looming over hybrid ownership is what happens when the $3,500-$5,000 battery pack "takes a dump" toward the apparent end of the vehicle’s life-span. While the market may yet develop a cost-effective fix, at present, battery replacement appears to be a huge cloud over long-term residual values.

In Europe, where greater hysteria over "climate change" combines with more reasonable emission regulations that allow for more market choices than in the U.S.A., turbo-diesels have thoroughly trounced hybrids in market share.

But more fundamentally, virtually no hybrid currently on the market (save perhaps the uber expensive Lexus models) project any sort of sporting or adventurous or luxurious image. In short, most hybrids have all the appeal of a girdle and support hose.

At the current juncture, hybrids are more of a political statement than a practical alternative.

While they are obviously the "dream machines" of the moment for the true believers in the "Green" religion and those "better-than-thou" sorts who continue to hang on to the anti-industrial, collectivist "I-know-what's-best-for-everyone" dreams of 1960s-style radicalism, they simply do not resonate with most ordinary Americans.

And among that elite group which actually enjoys automobility in its historic, sporting and diverse forms, hybrids remain both a curiosity and a harbinger of a depressing future.

CISCHKE HAS HER WORK CUT OUT FOR HER

Last month, Ford Motor Company crowned Sue Cischke as FoMoCo’s senior vice president of sustainability, environment and safety engineering. While CEO Alan Mulally’s announcement avoided sorts of hard target fuel economy numbers that haunted Bill Ford, he spewed the sort of corporate citizenship pap that enthralls the eco-faithful but makes the eyes of motoring enthusiasts glaze over:

"We are just at a really important time for all of us around the world . . . .We've finished the debate about whether the world has warmed up [although certainly not the debate on the anthrogenic contribution] … and we are now going to start on a very important time when we all -- all the citizens around the world -- get a chance to really decide what we all want to do about being stewards of the Earth." www.autonews.com

Just a few days later, Ford announced it was shuttering its historic Cleveland engine casting plant and delaying opening of the 3.5-liter Duratec V6 assembly line at the plant. (The 3.5, of course, is the "all-singing, all-dancing" engine-of-the-future that Ford’s spin-masters promised would position Ford to better meet its international horsepower challenges.)

Coincidence?

Probably. The scale-back of the 3.5 is officially because some new models have missed sales targets. But it could be another early warning sign that the Greens in the Glass House may yet prevail over those Total Performance diehards in the battle for the "One Ford" future.

Ford’s new Tree-Hugging Czar, however, has bigger marketing problems. Virtually all of the available low-CO2 gear demands higher sticker prices. But according to that same J.D. Power survey, only ten percent of new-vehicle buyers said they strongly agree with the statement: "I am willing to pay more for an environmentally friendly product."According to the Automotive News report, "Mini leads the list of vehicle brands whose buyers strongly endorsed the statement. Following Mini were, in order, Saab, Honda, Audi, Lexus, Scion, Toyota, Volvo, BMW and Subaru."

Notwithstanding all of Ford’s global citizen gibberish and its two true-hybrid SUVs, Ford (excluding Volvo) isn’t really a first-round draft pick for the fans of the "Green team."

Maybe if Cischke focuses Ford to play to its base with innovative combinations of high-performance, utility and fuel efficiency, she’ll be able to salve FoMoCo’s corporate conscience while moving enough metal to retain some semblance of market share.

Some quick fixes include:

1. Moving E-85 as a performance fuel by making all of Ford’s V8s and performance models flexi-fuel vehicles.

2. Increased use of high efficiency turbocharging and Twin-charging.

3. Expanded use of "no loss" efficiency technologies, such as cylinder deactivation, variable cam/valve timing and phasing, direct injection and variable-path intake manifolds.

4. Eliminating all remaining two-valve engines and promoting four-valve technology.

5. More mild hybrid starter-alternators.

Such technologies yield more bang-for-the-buck with lower losses in performance than simple engine downsizing or more expensive and radical hybrid solutions.

It is also foreseeable that some enthusiasts would eagerly embrace (at a premium price) a high-performance, high-efficiency mild hybrid, twin-charged, flexi-fuel V8 Mustang. An eco-supercar of this sort could also promote other cutting-edge efficiency technologies, such as variable compression ratio, John Coletti’s supercooler, and electronically-variable Atkinson/Miller/Otto-cycle cam timing.

At least such a "bold" halo technology car would potentially be more attractive to real automobilists (and more consistent with Ford’s historic DNA) than another "me-too," rolling-hair-shirt-guilt-trip-boredom-wagon like today’s soulless hybrids.